Floristry Tales and Humour

In the run up to Valentine's day I was helping out in my friend's florist shop and to accommodate the wide range of cards for the coming mad rush, a lot of other greeting cards had been squashed up together on the shelves, some of the categories had become a bit overlapped in the process.
A little elderly lady was browsing the Sympathy card section for quite some time and then came over to me holding a card open and asked me if I could write in it for her because, she explained, her writing was a bit shaky.
Of course, I agreed and glanced at the front of the card as I asked her what she would like me to write.
The words she wanted written were, 'Goodbye Doris, I'll miss you but I know you're going to a much better place' and then her name.

I pointed out that she may have made a mistake and that the cards' sections had got a bit muddled up but to be honest I cant help but think it was probably the best choice of 'sympathy' card Ive ever seen chosen!

So...what was on the front of the card you might be thinking. It was a hot air balloon going up into a sunset sky with the words, 'Bon Voyage! and have a good trip!'

AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH AN ELDERLY CUSTOMER ON THE TELEPHONE,
C = CUSTOMER
M= ME

C Hello dear, I need to order flowers for my dear poor old Wilfred gorn and left me he has. I'll order flowers for my daughter too at the same time is that the normal way?

M That will be fine, (took down delivery time and her name and address), what did you have in mind to order?

C I really miss him. I realised today when I was cooking dinner that I think I'll miss him most at dinner time I loved to watch him eat.

M (odd thing to say I thought) It must be very sad for you. Do you need any help choosing what to order or did you have something in mind?

C Oh Im not too bothered really although try and avoid yellow please dear he didnt like yellow made him go into a mood. Its funny really only last Sunday he was out the back digging in the vegetable patch and seemed possessed and desperate to get deeper than he normally digs, though at his age he was obviously finding it hard going, now he's gorn I think he knew he was on 'is way out and that digging his own grave would save me the trouble, bless him.

M Sorry, Im not sure I understand, you will be having the funeral at your home, he will be buried in the garden then? (looking down through my friend's shop for one of the staff to pick up the extension)..

C Yes dear, it was always agreed from the begining, where his dear Mother is, to the left of the greenhouse, digging away he was, like he knew, bless him.

M (just a bit confused) So, which undertaker are you using, Im surprised they agreed to that. (thinking Ive got a complete nutter on the phone and need to check with someone,)

C No No No my dear cant afford that on my pension No, goodness me not able to do it that way dear, thats all a bit fussy and more for the Americans I think, no we're doing it the way we always do dear, a couple of nice wreaths to lay on his grave, 4 generations in there that way, like to keep it simple. You choose the flowers luvvy, 2 wreaths for about £20 each will be lovely, no yellow mind. Whats the best way to pay you?

M It might be best to come into the shop (I had to see this woman), that way you can also write out your message cards for us to attach.

C Oh, cards. Mmm. (pause) Im not sure its worth it dear. He knew we loved him, we knew he loved us. His mum came round in the end once he was all she had left, though she didnt like him at all when he was born, because of the defect we all said, mm no ...not to worry about the cards luvvy. (pause) That was really kind of you to think of that though, what a kind person, a kind heart you have dear, some people wouldnt have bothered asking that, mmm, ha well I expect you understand, I bet you have a dog yourself dont you?

M (Dumbstruck, and relieved)